In today’s blog you’ll learn everything you need to know about how to make friends in hostels as a solo traveler, from my experience backpacking Asia. If you’re looking for social hostel travel advice, you’re in the right place.
Alone ≠ Lonely
When you land in a new country by yourself, the idea of being alone is sharp and loud. But give it 48 hours in a social hostel and the sharpness softens. You realize being physically alone and feeling lonely are not two sides of the same coin. Correlation doesn’t mean causation. My first solo travel experience in Ho Chi Minh City taught me that strangers can become a temporary community shockingly fast — sometimes within the span of a single meal. What begins as a quiet, anxious “Am I doing this right?” often becomes a reminder of how ready people everywhere are to connect.
The Insecurity Phase
I’ll be honest: when I first started traveling, I was filled with unnecessary, self-assigned awkwardness. I would sit down in the hostel common area and try to act as nonchalant as possible. I was so concerned with:
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- Can they tell I’m American?
- Do they know it’s my first solo trip?
- Do I look 23 and clueless?
And the truth is — yes, of course they could’ve clocked all these things. My accent, my energy, and my body language screamed “clueless baby American.” Travelers are observant when they want to be. But what I failed to understand then was that everyone was just as self-absorbed as I was. They were worried about their plans for the day, their hangover, their travel situationship, their next destination, their Instagram post, or their own identity doubts. No one was sitting there analyzing my origin story. Most people were just trying to figure out where they left their AirPods or who stole their towel.
This is how I came to not only know, but actually live, one of life’s core truths:
The judgement you fear from others is almost always just a projection of the judgement you already place on yourself.
Reinvention
Before my first trip, I genuinely worried I wasn’t outgoing enough to make friends quickly while traveling. I would purposely push myself in my hospitality job in Arkansas to do ballsy things like give my number to random customers, say embarrassing things to guests, or go out of my way to form relationships with regulars. I had heard of exposure therapy on TikTok — a CBT technique where you gradually confront the situations you fear.
It didn’t really work the way I wanted it to, not because I wasn’t trying, but because living in the same environment my whole life trapped me in an old version of myself.
I spent my whole life in a smaller college town and later attended the college that was basically in my backyard. It got to the point where I felt so incredibly trapped by my atmosphere that it felt impossible to become the version of myself I knew I wanted to be. Overall, I love my hometown and college friends dearly, but many of them had seen me at very low and embarrassing moments that didn’t reflect who I wanted to be anymore. I cling so hard to the idea of someone truly knowing me, but when I don’t like the version of myself they know, it can be hard to shed that exoskeleton of identity.
Anyone who has lived in the same place their entire life probably understands this.
The good news is: travel completely breaks down your self-imposed identity.
Stepping into Vietnam, it hit me hard: your past doesn’t get on the plane with you. You get to choose the version of yourself you introduce to the world each day. If you want to be more confident, social, curious, or funny—you can.
Travel doesn’t magically hand you new personality traits, but it gives you endless opportunities to practice them without anyone knowing who you used to be.
The Real Communication Technique: Decenter Yourself
The biggest shift for me was realizing that connection gets so much easier when you stop trying to perform your personality or prove you belong. The goal isn’t to impress people — it’s to be open with them.
Test your accent recognition skills and be prepared to be dead wrong. Try speaking a bit of someone else’s language; worst case, they’ll be appalled and correct you, best case, they’ll be amused you tried. Sometimes they’ll even continue speaking in their language and you get an “aha moment” pretending you understand.
There are no real rules except embracing your awkwardness and accepting that you are not the smartest person in the room. Approaching conversations with genuine curiosity helped me stop worrying about my “Americanness” or how I came across. I try to focus on the human in front of me, not the identity I’m afraid they’ll see.
This is how community forms: by shifting the spotlight off yourself and onto the shared experience you’re both living.
Stop Asking the Same Boring Questions
“Where are you from? How long have you been traveling? How long have you been here?”
Sound familiar? Yeah — because these questions get asked 500 times a day in every hostel around the world (don’t fact check that). They’re necessary eventually, but they get monotonous fast.
So I challenge myself not to start with them. Instead, I use:
- The Compliment Hack
- Focus on the Present Moment or Shared Experience
- Make an Easy Joke
- Throw the Line, Don’t Tug It
1. The Compliment Hack
Groundbreaking, I know. But there’s science behind it: compliments stimulate the dopamine reward system for both people (Source: my brain). It’s an immediate mood boost. Some real ones I’ve used:
- “Can I have your Instagram? You look like you’d have a cool feed.”
- “That tattoo is insane, I love it. What inspired it?”
- “How is your backpack so small? It’s impressive. Teach me your ways.”
Keep it friendly, specific, and low-pressure.
2. Focus on the Present Moment
Instead of interviewing people, connect over what’s already happening:
- “Have you tried renting a scooter here? I’m scared of getting scammed.”
- “Are you going to the hostel event tonight? Think it’ll be fun?”
- “Does your bathroom also have that faint sewage smell?”
3. Make an Easy Joke
Be unserious. Embrace situational humor, irony, or playful stereotypes.
- “I’m American, so obviously I don’t know what country I’m in.”
- “I’ve been here two days and have already decided to make ___ my whole personality.”
- “The portions here are tiny — maybe I am a greedy gluttonous American.”
4. Throw the Line, Don’t Tug It
Some people aren’t open for conversation because:
- They aren’t comfortable speaking English
- Bad moods
- Preoccupied
- They don’t like talking to Americans (kidding, but also not really)
Offer an opening. Don’t force connection. Some people will take the line, others won’t, and that’s fine.
The Communal Magic of Hostels
Social hostels teach you how to form a community in hours and how to simply exist around others when you have nothing to say. This part is wildly underrated. I’ve sat quietly in rooms full of chatty travelers with nothing to contribute. This used to make me self-conscious, but I eventually learned that presence is enough. Silence is allowed. Existing quietly around others is still community.
Final Thoughts
Travel isn’t a social test you need to pass. You don’t need to be the funniest, most outgoing, or the most worldly person in the room. You only need to be:
- open
- curious
- willing to listen
- willing to initiate
- willing to exist without overthinking your existence
Alone in a new country does not equal lonely. The world is full of people who also want connection, and sometimes all it takes is one small moment of courage to turn strangers into your temporary family for the night.